Thursday, October 25, 2007

Irony....

Ok, I noticed a couple of things in my travels today. First, I was driving south on Hwy 75, Central Expressway otherwise known as Death Rd. (because of the atrocious way Dallas drivers...err DRIVE!) This thought popped into my head, right as I was passing Turrentine Funeral Home. The City of Allen & Turrentine's in a joint "revenue-ing" effort should erect a HUGE billboard out in front the funeral homes that says: "Slow Down, Or You'll End Up In Here". Aren't I philanthropic? Gosh, I should have been in advertising. Nothing like making a little dough off the dearly departed, right? Before you get all "Hints from Heloise" on me, know that I'm fully aware of how irreverant that would be, funny though (hey, you know you laughed) The Turrentine Funeral Home could bring in some extra fundage from the people NOT heeding the sign and City of Allen could get a little extra revenue by hiding under the underpass right before the exit to Turrentine. By the way, I hate Allen cops. When we lived in Allen they were always a day late and a dollar short when my druggie next door neighbor was dropping acid in the garage or making drug deals with the various people who'd stop by for a "visit" AT 3AM? And you wonder why we moved. I've heard that since our departure from Grassy Creek Dr. in 2006 that Mary Jane (yes that really IS her name--talk about IRONY) spent months in rehab. Maybe she's clean now. I hope for her 3 kids sake she is. Maybe CPS finally heeded MY warning.

In ironic news....I went up to visit my friend Allie (fellow bariatric patient w/complications) up at Baylor Hospital last night. I visited with her a couple hours rehashing our surgery war stories....I was such a great friend sneaking in contraband cheese crackers and tootsie rolls. I remember how comforting it was for Jason to sneak me in a Dr. Pepper when I was NPO (which means no food OR drink). You try to go 2 months w/o a Dr. Pepper. It can't be done.

Back to my story...as I was leaving the hospital I padded my way down the hall to the elevators. I stopped to laugh when I noticed this sign on the wall, "Please do not park ANY equipment/carts in front of this emergency shut-off valve"....You may ask, "Why is THAT so funny?"..Well, let me tell you. It was funny because in FRONT of the sign was parked a whole slew of medical equipment i.e. blood pressure taking machines. Yeah, IN FRONT of the emergency shut off valve. Anyway....I just got a kick outta Baylor. Always contradicting their own policies. Amazing.....

Allie is still awaiting a visit from the Dr. who hasn't come by since she was admitted on Wed. night. Her blood pressure is low and she's feeling lots of pain in her stomach. Luckily, the Fentanyl pain patch IS working, praise God. Please keep her in your prayers.

P.S. Why do I always get to ride on elevators with people who either smell like moth balls or cheap 1970's cologne. Tonight, I got the latter. Ugh! Followed by making the wrong turn down "pee pee" corridor, as I tried to locate Allie's hospital room. My senses are still feeling assaulted.

That's all the entertainment for now friends....

Heather

4 comments:

Trina said...

Hey girl! Great to see an update this week, I was wondering if you were ok since you had blogged in a few days. Hang in there with those senses. :) I emailed you directions on how to add a pic. to your profile.

Amber said...

Hospitals & nursing homes smell the same to me! They definitely have a strong pee odor! I can't stand it!!! Also- for dumb people like me- try not to use words like atrocious, philanthropic, "Hints from Heloise" or corridor. I don't understand those words. Remember who your audience is when you are blogging. You should have been an English teacher. I don't have a clue/understand half of the things you write about. It is WAY over my head. I'm pretty basic...Remember- I just clean tartar off peoples teeth all day. I'm simple......

Heather said...

Ah, yes...the "simple" life of cleaning nasty micro-organisms off people's teeth all day. I'd rather floss with razor blades or clean my wounds with bleach. Since you're so basic let me break it down for you. Webster's-style (the dictionary, not the show with the little midget black kid or was THAT before your time?)
Atrocious means absolutely unbelievable, revolting, over the edge (I'm paraphrasing)
Philanthropic means a doer of Philanthropy which is the practice of doing things that have social impact i.e. donating your time to feed the homeless, organizing toys for the Salvation Army at Christmas time, Fighting for a cause such as Breast Cancer research.
Corridor is a hallway, entry-way into a bigger hallway....i.e. one would gather in a non-windowed corridor during a tornado drill.
Finally, "Hint's From Heloise" is a column written in the paper much like a "Dear Abby" column giving advice to people on various topics that people are needing guidance on. Usually, my "blog audience" doesn't have any issues with my vernacular......You'll have to go look that one up. Promise me you won't tell your parents they spent all that money on your college degree in vain...Wink! See ya tomorrow.

Amber said...

Remember- I'm a science major NOT an English major- I didn't need to know how to use words in a sentence- I just need to know how nitrous oxide is formulated to give my patients pain-free dentistry!!! I guess that is why we are not all alike in this world-a lot of things wouldn't get accomplished that needed to be...